Attention Deficit Disorder

I have said for years that my oldest son, Page3, would carry an ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) label if he was in the school system. In the beginning I said this with much disdain. As a student teacher in the early 90’s I was witness to the burgeoning diagnosis of ADD and the resulting administration of Ritalin to deal with the problem. As only those without children can, I blamed everything on poor parenting and eschewed the idea of labels on children.

But as my son grew and we began to add regular chores to his daily routine, and then to try and attempt to teach him to read and write, I became more and more frustrated. Everything seemed so much more difficult with him. I was trying to let my boy be a boy, but he was driving me up a wall. Eventually I realized that our relationship was suffering. As my frustration grew, I began to ascribe malicious intent to his inattention.

Then at a friend’s house I read the preface to Carol Barnier’s book How Do I Get My Child Off the Refrigerator and on to Learning? Carol argues that the addition of a label like Attention Deficit Disorder could be helpful. She mentions that an extremely short person, like herself, could go through life never knowing she was short because everyone would avoid that label. However, she would always wonder why the world was so hard to navigate.

What if I thought I was as tall as everyone else? What if I thought I should be able to reach the top kitchen shelves as easily as my taller peers? Imagine my frustration if I believed you. What if I began to think that I must be lazy or stupid or something even more mysterious was wrong with me because I couldn’t do easily what others could?

Barnier justifies a label, saying it explains differences we see between ourselves and others. It can help us realize that the problem is not us, the problem is that the world isn’t designed to deal with our limitations and we must find ways to work effectively within that world.

Because I am now permitted this label of “short,” I finally understand why I’ve been having trouble in areas where others have not…However, does this now relieve me from the responsibility of putting away items that go on the top shelves?…Of course not! I have to find strategies to work around my stature, but it in no way alleviates my responsibility to get the task done.

I began to think that there might be some strategies out there that might help me help my son learn to focus.

So I went where all intelligent people go to find information - the library.

The first book that arrived was You Mean I’m Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?! A Self-Help Book for Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder by Kate Kelly and Peggy Ramundo. I was hoping for parenting help, but thought I’d dive in see what they had to say.

I was stunned. I was speechless. I was shocked.

For the first time in my life most of my struggles made sense. You see, I apparently have ADD. And just like the title of the book promises, I suddenly realized that maybe I’m not lazy, or stupid, or crazy. Honestly. I felt like they were talking directly to me. Everything made so much sense. And for the first time in many, many years I felt relief and I felt hope.

So what next?

ADD and it’s cohort ADHD (Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) are controversial. As I wade through a mountain of literature I am trying to make decisions that are consistent with other choices in our life. I’m also trying to listen to the Holy Spirit and decide what to do.

Our first decision has been NOT to seek any professional help. I do not think there is anything wrong with my brain, or my son’s brain, or MrPages brain, who also shows all the classic adult symptoms. What I do think is that the world around us moves faster than we can comfortably process and that means we need to learn to cope with the differences between the speed of the world and what our brains are capable of handling.

I’m reading some fascinating books on the subject and look forward to sharing some of my insights as we go along, that is if I don’t lose too much of my focus!

[Note: When I mentioned this post to my Mom, she said that when I was 6 I was diagnosed by the school psychologist as being Hyperkinetic, which was the ADD diagnosis many years ago. Since I was able to function rather effectively in the school setting, my parents never pursued any treatment.]

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In its current guise, charismatic theology seems to be saying that when believers come together for ‘corporate worship’ and when the ‘Praise and Worship’ music teams start up, God’s presence comes in a new and special way.

Here’s an interesting post by Peter Collier discussing Darlene Zschech’s new book, Extravagant Worship.

The review lays out Zschech’s strengths and weaknesses and then points out some flaws in the “music as worship” assumptions of Hillsong and similar movements. When Zschech says something like “‘[W]e are seeing an increase of God’s presence like we have never experienced before” and “[T]he intimacy and powerful presence of God in corporate worship is becoming stronger and stronger.” in her book, Collier responds:

The great error with this understanding is that it either replaces the work of Jesus on the cross with the work of the praise and worship teams, or it elevates the activity of corporate singing above other more ‘mundane’ activities like corporate prayer and Bible reading.

Have we been any less intimate in the presence of God as we have drawn near to him confessing our sins together? Of course not! We might not have been as excited, but it completely lacks biblical warrant to say that God’s presence is now with us in a new and special way.

If it is being said that God’s presence is now evident during these times in a new and more intimate way, the question has to be asked: “What has changed?” Hasn’t Jesus died for us? What has changed, of course, is our performance.

What is being said is that God’s presence is now more manifest because of our effort. Apparently Jesus’ death was insufficient to bring us the greatest intimacy with God. Apparently we need some special formula to tap into this intimacy with God-something more than faith alone.

Interesting stuff, given the discussions we had here with WonderfulWorship.

There’s a local coffee shop near here called Forbidden Flavours. The owners are good friends of my brother and sister-in-law, so we went to check it out.

We’re now regulars, known by name. We have “the usual” (2 large decaf melanges) waiting for us when we get to the counter. It’s wonderful to have a place like that in this day and age. Personalized service, where the owner knows our kids and we hear all about hers. The baristas all ask about how school is going. That in itself is enough to keep us going back.

Unfortunately, the “Forbidden Flavours” line item on the budget is quickly climbing. $7 for 2 large drinks adds up pretty quickly. So, we figured out how to make our own version of “the usual”. We still go to the shop often, just not quite as often as we used to.

A Melange is a drink made with real chocolate milk (not white milk with syrup added), steamed and frothed, with a shot of espresso. No whipped cream or any other garnish, so it’s not very sweet, just flavourful. One of the reasons I love them so much is that they aren’t sweet; it’s not like hot chocolate, more like a cocoa latte.

Warning: This drink is the crack of the coffee world. Everyone we’ve taken to Forbidden Flavours for a melange has fallen in love. Our home version is close, but you have to try the real thing. Trust me.

Recipe for Home-Made Melange
makes 2 Melanges

1 1/2 cups milk (we use skim)
2 heaping teaspoons - 2 tablespoons cocoa (adjust for taste)
2 teaspoons sugar
2 cups very strong hot coffee (I use 1 and a half or even 2 times as much grounds as usual)

Heat the milk to near boiling. We do this in a pyrex measuring cup in the microwave, but a pot on the stove would work.

Transfer the milk to a tall narrow container. We find that a large pickle jar works perfectly. Add the cocoa and sugar. Use a hand blender to blend the cocoa and sugar and milk together. When they are mixed, slowly lift the blender while it’s still spinning, so the milk gets whipped into a froth on top. This is the part that needs the tall container. If you use a normal bowl or pyrex cup you’ll get milk all over the walls. I speak from experience.

[edit: Thanks to Ash's comments below we tried using our French press to foam the milk and it was wonderful! We just poured the heated chocolate milk mixture into the French press and pumped until the foam was twice the volume of the milk. We will use this method now instead of the hand blender. (As a bonus, it's more environmentally friendly!)]

Pour the milk into 2 coffee mugs, just over half full. Add coffee to fill the mugs. Enjoy.

If this recipe has any appeal at all, and there’s a Forbidden Flavours near you, I strongly urge you to check them out.

Thirteen year old Jessie Bollier is kidnapped and forced to work on a slave trader heading to Africa for a shipment of slaves to be delivered to Cuba. Surrounded by men of questionable character, he learns lessons about the cruelty of men and the evilness of the world, and yet still manages to withstand the hatred that surrounds him.

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This is the story of a young noblewoman who believes she is in love with Francis Bernardone, who goes on to become the humble monk Francis of Assisi. In her wildly prideful passion, she pursues him, is sent to a convent, and then escapes to follow Assisi to Damietta, Egypt during the Fifth Crusade. The books paint a vivid picture of twelfth century Italy and the horror of the Crusades.

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Vomiting in surround sound.

My mother-in-law requested a spa towel wrap for Christmas. I was unable to find one, (why do I wait until the 23rd of December to do my Christmas shopping?) so I dug out my sewing disaster room and let my dormant creativity surface.

This is the result:

Here’s a quick, very rough tutorial.

I folded the towel as shown in my very lame quick sketch.

First I attached a 4 inch length of 3/4″ wide velcro hooks onto the left hand side of the towel, about 1/4 inch down from the edge. Then I attached a 10 inch length of 3/4″ wide loops (the soft fuzzy part) on the right hand side about 1.25 inches down from the edge.

Next I folded down the top edge of the towel about 1 1/4 inches to make a casing. Fold the towel so that the side without velcro is inside the casing. The shorter piece of Velcro (the hooks) should be on the outer side of the casing facing one side of the towel. The longer piece of Velcro (the soft loops) should be on the outside of the casing on the other side of the towel. (So when you wrap the towel around yourself, the hooks will overlap the loops.) Sew about 1 1/8 inch from the fold. You have now completed the casing and velcro closure.

Now, if possible, measure the chest of the intended wearer, under the arms and above the bust. (Since this was a gift, I had to estimate this measurement.) Cut a length of 1″ wide elastic that is about 8 inches less than the chest measurement you just took. So if my chest measurement under the arms and above the bust is 32″, I would cut the elastic 24″ long.

Thread the elastic through the casing by attaching a safety pin to one end or using a special threader designed for that purpose called a bodkin, and working the elastic through the casing. (Make sure not to pull the other end of the elastic inside the casing and lose it! Sometimes I pin the other end to the outside of the casing so this doesn’t happen.) Unfortunately I did not get a picture of this and apologize, but here is a quick elastic casing tutorial.

Now secure the end of the elastic to the end of the casing by sewing through the casing perpendicularly, catching the elastic. Repeat on the other end of the casing.

This is the closure:

And this is the back:

For decoration, I ironed on and then hand sewed an appliqué flower near the top closure. I also embroidered a monogram on the lower edge of the towel, since it was to be used at a local gym.

If you have any questions, please let me know. If you try this sewing tutorial, I would love to see your finished product. If you have suggestions for how to make it better, please let me know that as well.

Good News Publishers is trying to get churches to give out a million tracts on March 9, 2008, which they have designated “Tract Sunday“.

So, a corporation that sells tracts decides that giving out a million tracts is a great idea. And look! A handy link to buy tracts!

It seems even Christians are no longer immune to “Hallmark Holidays”. Some days it’s so hard not to be cynical I don’t even bother trying.

So after several weeks of prayer and study, I’ve revised our school schedule.

As I said before, my homeschool journey and recent insight have caused me to really question what I am supposed to be doing at home with my children. I’ve been worshipping knowledge instead of teaching my children to worship to God.

So after what feels like a lengthy hiatus, I am returning to put thoughts to paper (or keyboard as the case may be.)

Today I wanted to share the goals that MrPages and I set many years ago, dutifully filed, and then sort of forgot about. I’m going to list them as a complete set right now and then try to comment on each goal over the next few days.

We titled this revised version: What We Think God Wants for Our Family

1. To love God and have a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ
2. To serve God and others wholeheartedly
3. To pursue holiness
4. To love His Word
5. To live as ambassadors, proclaiming and sharing His message in a bold, logical and edifying manner
6. To be open to God’s life direction for us
7. To love and learn about His creation, all aspects of it
8. To seek out the knowledge that we need to be effective servants of Christ

These humble goals are to be my winnower, to help me separate the good from the best.

In our “you never get something for nothing” society, it’s difficult to do servant evangelism. Any time we do something for someone, there’s going to be suspicion, or at least curiosity, from the recipient. “What’s in it for them?” “What do they want from me now?”

It’s easy to write off someone serving you when there’s advertising or a thinly hidden agenda involved.

“Here’s free coffee, but you have to listen to me tell you about Jesus.”

“You’re welcome for shovelling your sidewalk. We’re from Madison Avenue Church. Here’s service times and a schedule for New Believers classes. No pressure.”

Suddenly a wonderful gift is turned into a manipulation. It’s like a husband showing up with flowers and candy as a means to an end, if you know what I mean.

It reminds me of the thoughts that kept going through my head in Nicaragua. I had to decide if I was helping people for their good, or to salve my own conscience.

Chris Elrod has a great article describing first-hand how Servant Evangelism is useless for publicity, making believers, increasing attendance or getting good press, and how using servant evangelism for those purposes ruins both. It’s to be done for no other reason other than serving people.

If that’s not enough, then we need to examine our motivations for serving.

Hat tip to askingY