Overheard at Our House

Background: MrPages shaved off his beard about two weeks ago. He has been shaving daily since then, but we’ve had a hectic week and he hasn’t been able to lather up for a few days. (That and he decided that his fifteen year old razor wasn’t doing the job anymore and perhaps he should replace it!)

LittlestPage: Daddy your face is all porky. Just like a porkypine!

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We need a new sofa. We’ve been using ones free-cycled to us from friends for several years, but somehow they just seem to dissolve before our eyes. The most recent one, a lovely green traditional sofa, is now held up with a make-shift 2×4 leg (how exactly did they snap the four screws on the old leg right in half?) and one side flops down a little farther than the other end (which is actually good, because the springs are now grinding into a sheet of plywood nailed to the bottom of the frame, rather than the floor underneath!)

I’ve been looking at the Ektorp sofas at Ikea, because they are apparently tested and come with a guarantee. While I was Googling to see if this guarantee is really worth anything, I found these videos by Ikea at You Tube.

They made me laugh and they made the LittlePages, who have no real experience with commercials, roll on the floor and squeal in delight.

I thought I might pass on a little of this laughter. This one was a favorite, as was the one titled How to Make Everything Fit into a Drawer.

For almost three and half months, my words have not found any outlet in this place.

Over the last few years I have come to the realization that the computer has become a sinful tool for me. I was reading in Timothy sometime last year and was convicted when I read 1 Timothy 5:13:

And besides that, going around from house to house the young women learn to be lazy, and they are not only lazy, but also gossips and busybodies, talking about things they should not. (emphasis added by me)

I certainly don’t spend much time going from home to home, but I was spending a few hours a day reading blogs, emails and forums. I have gleaned much good from several of the places I frequent on the web, but I also came to realize that I was making an idol out of the information I could get from the internet.

If I had a problem with sleeping children or home school or potty training, I visited my Delicious bookmarks, or I Googled my problem. When one suggestion didn’t work, I would move onto another. My bookshelves offer much evidence of a long string of unsuccessful attempts and ideas.

Like Ezekiel’s charge to the elders of Israel in Chapter 18 that the unrighteous look to idols for help, the internet had become my idol. And it was to time to cast it aside.

In May I pulled out my journal and my bible and a few notes that MrPages and I had made about our “goals” for our children. Then I got down on my hands and knees and asked God to forgive me for going everywhere else for ideas and solutions. Then I asked Him to show me what He wanted our home school to look like.

For four months I prayed and planned. I used the internet sparingly to confirm information. I followed Holy Spirit leadings. I asked my husband for ideas and then followed them.

We just started our fourth “official” week of school. The days are long (for me at least) but my children seem to be flourishing. They love this new approach. Not that it’s all roses and butterflies, for roses have thorns and butterflies start out as worm-like creatures, but everyone seems content.

Last week I pulled out my journal and started praying over the lack of housework in my home. I don’t like housework, am not good at it, and generally just don’t do it. But none of us is happy about the state of the house. So I’m going to the wisest person I know and asking Him what He thinks I should do. I’m frightened and excited about the possibilities.

But because I’m spending more time reading the Word, and more time praying, and more time with my children, and more time with MrPages, and more time building others up in real life, I’m spending much less time here. Much less time going from blog to blog being idle. And it is gloriously wonderful and yet difficult, and sad, and frightening and hard and frustrating. But I prayed about that too. Prayed about how I want to write and want to help, but don’t wish to sin or lead others to sin.

And tonight God gave me a few moments to put these scattered thoughts down.

He is good. All the time.

Two of the LittlePages are playing “Royalty.”

LittlePage who is playing the Queen responds to the Prime Minister who is giving a long rambly speech, “Would you please finish up!”

LittlePage Prime Minster, “But, Your Majesty, I am just getting to the point.”

LittlePage Queen, “No, I’m afraid you are just getting to a dull end.”

Apparently the “improv” part of our homeschool drama class is having an effect! And I’m beginning to worry about what “discussions” with my future teenagers may look like!

For those of you who know me in person, this may not come as a surprise.

I hate superficiality.

Seriously.

When people at church used to ask me how I was, I dutifully smiled and said fine, meanwhile screaming inside of my head that I’m not fine. Yet I knew, I must confess from experience, that if I told the truth I would alienate the dear person who inquired about the state of my life.

And so I hate superficiality and yet feel obligated not to burden those who are not prepared to share the weight of my craziness.

I feel that same way about this blog. I know several people out there read our blog. I know some of you in person. Some of you are complete strangers. And yet I struggle with what it means to be truthful or transparent here in this place. In all honesty, I don’t really want to be completely honest with you all. And yet to be less than honest is not an option. So my little bit of space here on the internet is silent.

I’ve been mulling exactly why it is that I feel such an inability to be truthful. Here are two guesses:

1. I am afraid you won’t read my blog anymore, and somehow that would amount to complete rejection, (even if I don’t know you read it) and though I tell myself that it doesn’t matter, it does.
2. I am afraid that something I might blunder on about will hurt your feelings and you will leave, which honestly would be even worse than the first reason.

And yet I feel some sort of responsibility to share things here, because I can’t help wondering if my own confessions won’t help someone else.

I have great life.
I have a wonderfully compassionate and graceful husband.
I have the best children in the whole entire world. (I realize I may be biased!)
I live in one of the wealthiest nations in the world that is considered in the top five for standard of living.
I own my home and nice clothes and a newer car and more books than I will admit to.
I believe with my whole heart that my Saviour has paid the price for my mistakes and is helping me step by step to learn to be like him, so I can join him in his Kingdom in the next life.

So why does everything in my life seems so difficult?
Why am I haunted by mistakes I have made and might make in the future?
Why am I constantly suffering under the weight of disillusionment and disappointment?
Why do other people not have this all-encompassing struggle with worry and self-recrimination?
Where is the line between sharing our burdens and just sinful complaining?

I have more questions than answers. In fact, I don’t have any answers at all. All I have is a blessed life that I don’t deserve and can’t understand. A bunch of problems I often feel overwhelmed and defeated by. And a Saviour who loves me more than I deserve or can possibly understand and who literally takes my breath and words away with his compassion and care.

Really what more is there to write. If you want to be party to my struggles, let me know. Otherwise, I think my blogging hiatus may continue for awhile.

I’m popping out of my home school planning frenzy for a quick moment to share a joke
I read on my MOMYS list:

How does a home schooler change a light bulb?

First, mom checks three books on electricity out of the library, then the kids make models of light bulbs, read a biography of Thomas Edison and do a skit based on his life.

Next, everyone studies the history of lighting methods, wrapping up with dipping their own candles.

Next, everyone takes a trip to the store where they compare types of light bulbs as well as prices and figure out how much change they’ll get if they buy two bulbs for $1.99 and pay with a five-dollar bill.

On the way home, a discussion develops over the history of money and also Abraham Lincoln, as his picture is on the five-dollar bill.

Finally, after building a homemade ladder out of branches dragged from the woods, the light bulb is installed.

And there is light.

I wrote up the following after a request on the MOMYS board (Mothers of Many Young Siblings) to share about our churches. I though some of you might also be interested.

How would you describe your church?

Well we just planted a church, so it’s a little different than what most people might expect. We’re small, meet in homes and are just enjoying building one another up.

Music style?

MrPages and his guitar. We sing everything that comes to mind from classical to acapella to country to contemporary. Everyone is open to make requests.

Teaching style?

We read through the chapter or section we are studying (currently John). Each person who can read, reads a verse or two. We stop whenever it feels right and discuss. Usually a few adults have done some extra research over the week and will share their insights. It is really encouraging and refreshing and challenging. A few times we’ve watched a DVD or listened to a more formal sermon.

Size?

Just two families right now, but we’ve had a few others show some interest.

Church building or someone’s home?

We rotate between two homes - two weeks in one place and two weeks in another.

How long have you been there?

Six months meeting weekly on Sundays, but before that we met every three weeks for about six months on Saturdays trying to discern the will of the Holy Spirit.

Where did you go previous to this one? What was your reason for leaving?

We went to a larger urban church, but really felt the need to look at early church models and try to emulate them.

How often do you get together with people from church?

Every Sunday and usually one other time during the week. We also try to connect by phone or email throughout the week.

What time does your service start? End?

We try to arrive between 10 and 10:30 and start the morning with a potluck brunch together. Then we relax after the meal, clean up a bit, and let the kids run. Sometime in the early afternoon we all join together to sing, read scripture, discuss, pray and sing some more. Then we usually spend the rest of the afternoon doing something together. We’ve been for walks, played scrabble, had a family baseball game, gone to zoo, or just sat around and talked. (Yesterday the men caught a few zzz’s in the living room!) Then we scrounge something up for dinner, enjoy more fellowship, clean up some more, and then head for home, usually about 8pm.

Just yesterday I was thinking how peaceful my Sundays have been the last few months. No rushing around, no feeling tired and drained when we got home. Just several hours being together with our children and friends enjoying God’s presence and Sabbath rest. It’s been good.

That is, that I may be encouraged together with you while among you, each of us by the other’s faith, both yours and mine. (Romans 1:12)

Midnight.

The sound of the pet rabbit scuffling in his kitchen cage.

The sound of rattling in the kitchen cutlery drawer.

The sound of a child peeing on the kitchen floor.

MrPages: What are you doing?

Sleepwalking child who has never sleepwalked before: Going to the bathroom!

The sound of two parents giggling uncontrollably in the dark.

Never a dull moment in the home of the Pages!